12 years ago ( to the day maybe)

Life is what you make it right?

I wish I'd learned earlier, but whatever, I just figured it out...

Don't get me wrong in the next few paragraphs, I'm not looking for sympathy, I've been given something much better than sympathy, I've been given an unlimited resource, the truth.

When I was 15 somewhere inside I gave up, I dropped everything but my guitar
When I was 16 Jesus found me and began to restore what was lost and fix what was broken

God was good, good enough to become my passion and possession, good enough to be my best friend, good enough to father me, heal my heart, challenge me, love me, so good he wont let me use him to hide the thought that I pursued in dropping everything.

When people say "they use Jesus as a crutch" they are right if they are referring to me, fact is I need(ed) him, perhaps I've abused the grace shown me, perhaps this is just part of the process of turning broken pieces back into a vessel.

I gave up way back then, on pain, on trying, on success and failure, whatever the cause, whatever the end result, I'd had enough of that, I looked for the least painful way through life. When Jesus introduced himself to me and asked if I wanted his life I gladly took it since I'd never known such a genuine love, and he offered pain relief. I've made good use of every benefit offered, I've grown in character, love, gifting, in every aspect of faith...I've been ok with whatever it takes to get close to him, whatever pain, work, healing, process...you name it, I've jumped through a good number of hoops...but there is one I've avoided until recently.

I really don't know how to word this, but I believe in living, I've engaged life in a new way, I've decided it's worth the risk, worth the work, any momentary pain encountered, small potatoes for some, but for me this is what I lost and hoped I could forget about by skimming the surface and letting life happen to me in the name of "what ever the Fathers will be - will be, since I am so loved" and indeed this realization is found inside the statement which was my excuse to hide.

I'm 28 now, it's taken 12 years to get here, feels like I'm back where I left off in some ways, which might bug me a bit, but now I've got another chance and I am gonna live forever.

It's good to be alive and awake, it's good to know that there is hope and a future, it's good to believe in God and feel his grace in the wind that blows this ship.